Finding 'Ish

Need a haircut

I need a new haircut. My hair is getting longer and normally that would be awesome, but I just wear it in a ponytail. Every. Damn. Day. So I'm thinking of a repeat of last years cut, with some of the bulk cut out, maybe a bit longer in the front and way shorter on the back and sides. I'd go full mod pixie, but I don't think I could do that for myself.

So let's cut ALL The HAIR!

Pls. enjoy these pics of last year's hair cut, which is way cuter than I remember.

I hated this pic, but in retrospect I was fucking adorable!

Hair Sticking straight up.

One day, I will take a selfie where I look happy. . .and clothed.

Carol's Daughter Marula Oil Curl Therapy

I'm attempting to cram in some beautifying in between kittens and sewing up a pants muslin.

Usual disclaimer: I paid for the products, no one asked for or influenced my review. And really? Who would want to?

I picked up the entire Marula Line from Carol's Daughter, because, you know, curiosity combined with some latent product junkie tendencies.

I mixed together the softening mask and softening serum, put them in my hair and did a quick deep treatment.

I mixed these together.

Twisted my hair up once I worked the product in.

Another pic of me with crap in my hair.

Sitting with a plastic bag on my head to trap some heat. Also, I look like my Auntie N in this pic.

I used the gentle cleanser to wash my hair and followed up with the styling cream. Normally I would air dry, but it's been a bit cool lately so I used a diffuser. (Rather than walk around with a wet head)

I'm actually really happy with the shape of my haircut.

The curl definition and softness is amazing.

I'll let you know when I start to run low if I would buy this stuff again, but so far, after one use, my hair is AMAZINGLY soft.

From Threads Magazine

Today I finish sizing up the pattern. I call it 1.5 because I spent a couple of days printing, taping and cutting out the pattern.

To grade the pattern I've been using the reference chart from Threads Magazine. So far the pattern looks a complete mess LOL cut, taped, pen marks all over it. I comfort myself with the knowledge that I have plenty of muslin and a bunch of interfacing.

Both kittens are eager to help.

I know that this is just the beginning of my journey towards pants, but I am already uneasy and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I just have to remind myself that even if this goes spectacularly wrong that I'll only be out some time and fabric and that even failure will bring some sort of lesson.

...and if it goes well I'll have learned nothing, but will have an endless supply of cheap retro jeans and cigarette pants.

I think I just need to tell myself that this is a win-win situation.

Til next time,
Ish

Enjoy resized pants pattern. Oh, the glamour!

Out of Tape! - 11/10 update

Well, I ran out of tape halfway through taping my pattern together, so I'll need to get tape before I can finish taping the pattern together, followed by grading the pattern and making the first mock-up.

This actually sounds nightmarish in my head. (I truly, truly hate sewing.) I just have to tell myself that I've devoted weeks and months to doing shit I hate, it won't kill me to spend a few days making pant. Especially since success means infinite, cheap pants and jeans.

'Ish

*Update* I found a roll of packing tape, which means I can tape the rest of the pattern together, I'll probably still wait until tomorrow to do the resize. There will be no pics of me taping the pattern together, b/c seriously, do you need a pic of me taping pieces of paper together.

It's my blog and I'm getting bored just thinking about it.

We sits on her and keeps her from blogging.
Also, I have never set the date on my camera.

Well, I've got stuff for pants coming in the mail, so hopefully I can get that started next week. Also, I'm ordering stuff to dye my hair tomorrow and picking up an armband for my new phone. (I have a phone! It's new! and it works! More things with exclamation points!!!)

My red spot have faded and all my shoes fit, now I have shoes, jeans and fewer spots I should stop being such a shut in.

And now for something I hope you'll *really* like! A few weeks ago we found some kittens in the yard, please enjoy some of their mange-y antics.

Featuring a cameo by Mr. Ish, yelling at the TV because I don't use water when I make fresh pasta.

--Aisha

PS Can my new battle cry be, "By the power of Chuck Taylor?"

Pants? PANTS!

It shouldn't be this hard to find retro pants.

All I want are high waisted, retro styled cigarette pants, preferably with ankle slits, side or back zip.

Oh, and it has to be in my size.

Like this, but on a fat chick.

and what's my size? Well it depends on the store, the brand and the cut, but here is the breakdown.

22w-28w

2x-4x

44DDish

9-9.5 shoe

Even places that have cigarette pants, and carry my size don't carry cigarette pants in my size.

Yeah pinup girl clothing, I am calling you out.

I can't even find a pattern in my size.

This is going to suck.

I haven't sewn in years.

Butterick B5895 if you're interested.

I guess I'm going to need to get a pattern, resize it and make some damned pants.

Pros

I can get the pants I want
In the fabric I want
In my size
Having the pattern means I can make many pairs in different fabrics and colors

Cons

Initial Cost - pattern, tracing paper, muslin
A lot of work - resize pattern, make muslin, tweak pattern, new muslin, make pants if it goes well
I kind of hate sewing

Ugh, well, watch this blog for updates on the pants problem.

Have a happy and safe Halloween all!

--Ish

News, Rage, Whatever

Feel free to skip the rambling.
I'm still waiting on both pairs of shoes, which is really just as well since I'm trying to avoid going out in public and meeting with people right now. You see, I'm covered in red spots.

Covered in spots

I'm not contagious, just itchy. . . and spotty and would really rather hide until the spots are gone.

So when the shoes finally there will be pics, of the shoes, maybe with my feet in them.

Stay beautiful! (and so not itchy)

Aisha

Well, assuming everything fits the shoe part of my capsule wardrobe is finished! (Hooray)

The week in Review - FFS

I was going to post a bit about some gel nail techniques, but instead. . .

I go through shoes pretty quickly. I don't drive so the shoes I don't dance in, I walk in. A lot. So I tend to need new shoes every 3 to 6 months.

Someone make cute shoes last longer.

My jeans just had a blow out. I'm now down to my fat pants and pjs. I also ripped my favorite striped shirt earlier this week.

If this keeps up I'm going to have to walk around naked.
Naked and pissed off.

I've already bid on a new pair of ballet flats, hopefully they'll last longer than the last ones. I wanted to spend my play money for the month on learning about pizza dough, maybe taking an art class, and out glitter gradient nails instead I'm going to have to buy clothes, not because I saw something cute I like but because I CAN'T LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE NAKED!!

Stay beautiful friends,
Ish

Balance, where are you?

I'm just going to rant a bit about feeling anxious, so feel free to ignore this post.

Are ya smokin' yet? and Ebay Stuff

Back when clove cigarettes were readily available I would smoke a pack or two a year. Well, recently, I found a place where I can buy clove ciggies online. I haven't ordered any yet, but I'll end up doing it eventually.

I like nicotine, but I LOVE ritual. It's part of why I love hookah, espresso and wine. So if I am going to start smoking cloves again I decided that I'd have to bring my own person aesthetic to it.

Behold! My ebay find!

A vintage, unused, meerschaum cigarette holder! Meerschaum is easy to clean, cools the smoke and most importantly looks neat!

Now I just need a new cigarette case and some butane for my joker lighter!

My lighter is like this, only "well loved"

A detail shot of the carving.

Return of the list

This is the list that I'll keep updated.

I know this new list seems long, but I've actually started on quite a bit of it. I'll update this post as I start writing entries and taking pics. *Last updated 10/26/14 - I'm fascinated by the idea of capsule wardrobes, so I'm combining shoes, accessories and clothes into 1 list. 33 items maximum.

Hair
Henna and Indigo to cover gray
Natural Hairstyles

Makeup
~~Foundation/tinted moisturizer~~ - Still Loving Urban Decay's BB Cream
~~Red Lips~~ - MACs ruby woo, also going to try Fresh's Cherry
New red lippie - I'm in love with Urban Decay's F-Bomb
~~Mascara~~ - Besame's

Capsule Wardrobe

~~Ballet Flats~~
~~Saddle Shoes~~
~~Low Heels - I have these in awesome comfortable black leather~~
I love my saddle shoes so much that I want them in black/white, pink, red and green!

Jacket - duffle or peacoat I have a red coat, may also get something shorter in plaid
~~Boyfriend button-up in White - Old Navy has something perfect~~
~~Sweater Black - Probably Old Navy~~
Sweater Grey - Old Navy
Sweater Red or Stripe - Torrid
Boat neck striped shirt - the black one is great, now I want one in red!
Capris - Denim - torrid, need to hem
Capris - Black - old navy
Skinny high waisted Retro jeans - torrid or pug
Cigarette pants black, spotted, plaid ALL THE COLORS - Old Navy has some great ones that just need a bit of altering.
Full Skirt - Knee Length, Black - pug
Wacky Modcloth dresses
Fleece tights
Cardigans in black, red, navy, and colors to match dresses and pants
~~Pencil Skirt - Black~~
Purse - I'm thinking pan am bag?
~~Laptop/computer bag~~ - Skull bag fits my laptop
sunglasses
beret - black - I wear berets, berets are cool now
statement necklace - silver
statement necklace #2 - brass
big silver ring 1
big silver ring 2
big brass ring 1
big brass ring 2
belts black
belt red
Scarf
Sweater guards

Stuff That Doesn't Count Towards The Wardrobe
~~Bobby socks~~
MOAR BOBBY SOCKS
~~No Show Socks~~
New Underwear

Face & Body
Cold Cream
Witch Hazel
Squalane
Wax
Laser
Razor
Exfoliate
Rose Jam
Ro's Argan
Mani
Pedi

Reading List
I have a massive reading list on oyster and amazon, but I find myself wanting paper books.

Msc
Hookah Stuff
Start dancing and zombie running again
Take photos?

What kind of a person am I?

Well rockabilly pinup didn't work out. Too fussy I think, so I asked myself, "Well, who _are_ you?"

And of course, I mean that in a pretty superficial style kind of way LOL I actually have a pretty good handle on my own inner workings for being such a mess.

I'm not a pincurl kind of girl, clearly. But, I'm definitely a have-too-much-wine and cut her own hair kind of girl. (Seriously, I got up to whiz and came back with a lot less hair.)

I like heels, but when you take the shoe-leather express ballet flats just make more sense.

The red lips have to stay.

Maybe grab some black capris to go with my favorite striped shirt.

Yeah I think something might be coming together...

Why I disappeared

I'm going to keep this short because it was a craptacular year and I haven't really processed it all yet.

So this is how my year went down:

Mr. Ish no longer needs dialysis
Uncle diagnosed with cancer
Quit giving readings to help with uncle
Made new friend
New friend dies while I look on helplessly
Uncle dies
Try to start giving readings again
Can't get in tarot groove - It's like part of me is gone
Join Mturk to bring in extra cash
Another friend dies
Made two new friends
Kittens dumped in yard - they needed to be bottle fed

Somewhere in there a lot of dental work, not much sleep, and some general confusion about where I will be living next year. Oh and the depression made a comeback, but seems to be under control again.

Codeine

I don't know if I feel this way because of the drug or because I'm pain-free for the first time in a few days.

I feel hazy
Surprisingly grateful
and completely in love with the world

I am the kind of sleepy you get when you've worked all day and finally get to crawl into bed.

It's a good feeling.

I hope I'm not in pain when I wake up.

I guess I won't be making fresh pasta tomorrow.

M's Skincare Routine

So I have a friend, M, who needs a new skincare routine. M needs something that addresses her needs, is cheap, readily available, and won't add much time to her morning and nighttime routine.

I think I've got it. M this is for you.

What M Needs

Noxzema, the Original Deep Cleansing Cream - 3-5 dollar for a big tub
Witch Hazel - Any kind will do, I've seen it go for 1-7 dollars
Giant Cotton Balls - They need to be the big ones and they need to be cotton. The synthetic ones don't seem to pick up any dirt and the small ones just mean you have to use 2 or 3 of them. lfmf
Soap - Now I'm going to be picky here, most soaps suck on the face, but there are a few that seem fine for the face. Pears, Dove beauty bar, ivory, dr bronners, kirks pure castile and MAYBE kiss my face.
Washcloth - any, I get the packs from the dollar store.

Now the tough bit, I'm not sure what kind of moisturizer to recommend. If M's foundation has an SPF then anything that isn't too rich should be fine. (no history of sensitivity or dryness.)

In the morning

Wash with soap and warm water. moisturize, allow to absorb before putting on foundation. Seriously, that's it, just switch up the normal soap with something that won't strip the face.

At night, before bed, evening-ish

If wearing makeup - massage noxzema over the face using a circular motion. This will remove the toughest makeup without drying out your skin. Wash off with warm water and a wash cloth. Some people just towel it off.

Put witch hazel on a cotton ball, rub it over face, this will tone the face and pick up any dirt or oils.

Moisturize.

That's it M. Your basic face washing routine.

Ish

Stuff and Junk from inside my head

So today was my day 1 of week 5 of ZR5k and as I was jogging I went to that weird headspace where the chaos and anxiety of every day just sort of falls away. This is the place where I ask myself the tough questions or plan my day or even give myself a bit of a ramble-y pep talk. (Logical flow is not my friend)

I asked myself the question I've been asking myself since I started this blog, hell it's the reason I started the blog.

"If you knew that the body you have today would never change, how would you live?"

No gaining weight, no losing weight, hair isn't going to grow out, no laser treatments. How would I live? What would I do that I had put off til I was thinner, or prettier or whatever?

Today was the first day I could say that I wouldn't change a thing. I've signed up for dance class, my jog is still a sad little shuffle, but it gets better every day and eventually I'm going to find the perfect red lipstick.

I know that week 5 is the week people start dropping out, but I'm going to tough this one out.

Stay Beautiful,
Ish

Lipstick Trial - Part One

Today I am looking for the perfect pinup red. I had my color iq done at sephora the other day so I know that I am probably going to look best in something warm. For today's lipstick trial I will be enlisting the help of Mr. Ish. Mr. Ish will act as photographer and second opinion.

Enjoy my bad handwriting.

I got some samples of besame lipsticks as my goody for completing week one of zombies, run! 5k, I'll also try MAC's Russian Red in another blog. Here we go!

1. Besame Red 2. American Beauty
3. Red Hot Red 4. Red Velvet
5. Merlot 6. Cherry Red

Besame Red

1. Mr Ish - too cool Me: Too Cool

American Beauty

2. Too warm - first one was better Me:Too Pink

3. I like that one (at this point his eyes are starting to glaze over. So he's taking a break) Ok after break he says it's the right level of warmth, but too bright for my face, this is his favorite so far. Me: Warm, but not too warm, a little bright, but very vintage-y

It's at this point that I realize that 4, 5, and 6 are too cool and that I hate the texture of besame lipstick. My lips are super dry and the texture is just a bit more waxy than I like. Next up I'll pick up some revlon and some MAC lippies to try. I expected this to be the most difficult thing :)

Stay Beautiful!
Ish

Invisible

This makeover is actually pretty scary. Every time I check something off the list I come closer and closer to no longer being invisible.

Being invisible is comfortable.
Being invisible is safe.

I do, and am going to do things that put me in public. I jog in public, people yell things and honk. It makes me want to hide. I'm terrified of how people react to what I'm becoming, what I will look like.

I'm working towards dressing in a way that will make it impossible for me to blend in. I'm tired of blending in, but the alternative is frightening. What if people are mean to me? (They've been mean before) What if they yell things? (They do that now) What if I get stared at? (Let them look, I'm fabulous!) I usually do ok, I dressed kinda odd in high school, so I've attracted negative attention before, it's just that lately I haven't been feeling very brave.

I'm not changing anything on the list and I'm not stopping what I've begun, I just needed to tell someone how scared I get sometimes.

Ish

Make the busy stop!

So now that I'm back up and running I can put together some stuff I worked on when I had no comp. I took some pics for the lipstick trials (6 colors of besame lipstick!) I still don't know what color I like, so I'm going to run them by mr. ish and maybe try some of MAC's Russian red, or Revlon which both seem to be a hit with burley-Q dancers.

I ended up repeating week 2 of the zombies run 5k b/c I had a touch of the gastro. I'm on week 3 now and am thinking about maybe adding some other activity. (seriously, I had a blocked cat, a dead laptop, and the gastro in a two week period. My ass is broke and tired.)

With all of that computer-less free time on my hands I redid the list and added more detail. I now present...

The Expanded List

Hair

Dye - I'm thinking Lush Caca Brun Mama since I'm way too lazy to mix indigo and henna.

Hairstyle - I still need to work on victory rolls and pincurls. I'll need some bobby pins, a pincurl sculpture, a hair rat for faux bangs and maybe some cute flower accessories.

Deep Conditioning routine - I'm starting to think that this may not be needed.

No-poo, I'm out of it and Wen kinda sucks. It leaves my hair feeling all greasy and heavy.

Gel - I'm running low on gel, I'm favorite is devacurl's light defining gel.

Face

Eyebrow shaping and makeup - I've already ranted about the awesomeness of crystal and Benefit cosmetics gimme brow.

Cake Liner, Mascara and Brush - I'm thinking of using besame's mascara for both the mascara and liner, and sigma makes a nice angled brush

BB Cream - I love naked's bb cream/ tinted moisturizer I just need to pick up a full size tube

Foundation and Powder - I'll only need this for special occasions so it's pretty far down on the list. I'm pretty happy with bb cream

Red Lippie - I'm in the middle of trials to find the right color for me. Red lipstick is a challenge, but man do I love it.

Making faces at the cat.

Lash comb - all picked out, I just need to pick it up.

Neutral or pink lip color - I might test out some pinks, but I love Urban Decays xxx gloss in naked and carney.

Cream blush - for special occasions

Facial Exfoliation - I do this twice a week, gently, with the baiden mitten

Rose water - the stuff in the grocery store with all of the middle eastern noms. This and Noxzema are my favorite things to use to keep my skin clean.

Complexion Spray - Urban Decay makes this awesome stuff that takes the redness out of my skin and feels soooo refreshing.

Teeth Whitening - I love crest 3d, but I may also pick up some go smile or try some of crest's other products.

Body

Pedegg, it's a cheese grater, for your feet.

Exfoliation - Baiden Mitten, nailed it!

IPL - I might try the elos me smooth for some hair reduction

Sunscreen (Unscented) - I really need this if I'm going to get rid of my permatan.

Soap - Lush's turkish delight or rose jam mmmm

Lotion - If I pick the right shower gel this might not be needed.

Perfume - none or my old standby Maybe Baby

Mani/pedi on a regular basis - Done, I need a new pedegg, but other than that, done and dusted.

acetone - Picked it up last fri

Stiff brush for french manicures and half moon manicures

Rubbing alcohol - I am completely out

Pedi sock - I dream of the ones from bliss world, but tend not to spend on myself like that

Moisture glove - see above

Shoes

Ballet Flats - I have a pair, but would like another 2 or 3 pairs :o

Maryjane heels - They go with ANYTHING

Pretty much anything vintage looking.

Clothes

I'm looking for pinup, rockabilly, vintage.

Things to do

Zombies, run! 5k - I'm on week 3. Maybe it's a cheat, but I buy myself a goodie every time I complete a week. Something foolish that I normally wouldn't buy for myself.

Dance Class - Either Fishnet Follies or Bombshell betty

Drink more water - it's tough but I'm working on it

Sing more - I don't even sing in the shower anymore :(

Work on eye contact - Well I don't feel intimidated as often, but I'm still way to easily distracted.

Jogging outside is scary and makes my butt muscles hurt. :(

Stay beautiful!

'ish